Toxic Relations

Over the weekend I was watching a Tamil movie called “Pudu Pudu Arthangal (New Meaning)”, which ideally for this story line was “New Beginnings”. This movie was directed by late K Balachander and was released in the year 1989, and it was a big hit; winning various awards and accolades. K Balachander was known for directing and producing movies with stories well ahead of its time. The stories were original, and his subjects were complex. When the cinema industry was filled with commercial action movies, his movies had various social themes with the women as protagonists. The story would usually be centered against the women who he always portrayed as headstrong, intelligent and independent. (Irony, these were in the 70’s and 80’s; whereas now heroines are casted for item numbers and many of them have no qualms to do these sort of roles.)

One such movie with a social message was ‘Pudu Pudu Arthangal’. The story was about a famous singer Mani whose wife is possessive and doubts him since he has a big female fan. The mother-in-law strains the relationship even further by instigating her daughter. One fine day, Mani could not withstand the relationship and decides to run away from the toxicity he was surrounded with.During his travel he bumps into Jyothi, a co-passenger who has escaped her husband who was forcing her to be a prostitute. They decide to stop over at Goa and the story continues with the individuals falling in love, but eventually have to part ways since their respective spouses reach out for help etc.

I had watched this movie for the first time in my teens with my mom. I loved the movie but did not like the ending of the movie. For the characters breaking free from an unhappy married life, finally decide to go back to the people who have hurt them the most was not at all justifiable. I debated with my mom a lot and questioned on why did they have to let go of their peace. Wasn’t that selfishness shown by their spouses who had made them run away. My mom responded that’s how the reality of life is and its pretty practical decision. I never could come to terms with the ending and I felt the storyline should have been more practical.

Recently I caught up with few of my friends. One of our best friend, who was always there at time of crisis, post marriage had just vanished from the social circle. Neither was he on social media nor were we able to connect with him. Gradually we understood, he will not be a part of our lives and its him and his family. Surprisingly, he turned up for a quick catch up and we were happy to see him after so many years. But we saw a totally different person in front of us. Gone was the charming and witty person we knew years back. His eyes had lost that spark and in front of us stood a tired lost soul who was exhausted and sad. He spoke but very less and was conscious on what he was telling us. I was happy to meet him after so long, but sad to see him like this. After we bid our goodbyes, my other friend and I were talking and was shocked to know his wife has ensured he severed ties with his side of the family, though they reside in same city. He has deactivated his social media account and is not allowed to interact with any one or go out with anyone.

My friend was like he should divorce her, if things are not working as this is not healthy for him. I definitely agree with her, but then it’s not easy especially when there are kids involved. This got me thinking and I recollected this movie and the ending which never made sense at that point, but now it made so much sense. As individuals we preach and give our opinion on what should be the right thing to do. But only the person involved will be able to know what’s best for them.

Over the years, when I see people in relationships, I realized it’s easier said than done to walk away from a relation and severe ties with a person. it is definitely not as easy as it sounds. I am not saying it’s good to be in an abusive and unhappy relationship. However, that’s the sad reality and it has nothing to do with an individual being independent or dependent.

Not many have been able to walk out of a toxic, one-sided relationship. We live in a society where we fight against physical abuse, but what about Emotional abuse? There are laws against mental abuse but how many want to talk about it or ask for help. As a society we ignore all this. I have heard so many of my friends’ parents say its ok adjust for the kids etc., when their daughter / sons state that they are being taunted day in and day out for various reasons.

Unfortunately a hard hitting reality. I just hope we can realise the situation and take help or provide help to people who need it.