This was one of the earlier
alliances that came to me in 2016. I have always been thinking of writing about
it, however for some reason I could not. So finally, I decided to write it down
and as I do that, I realized it’s still fresh like it happened yesterday.
I had left it to my parents to
find a suitable groom for me and the search was full on. I had joined a new company
and it was marriage season; with my colleagues getting married one after the
other. Around that time, I received the particulars of this fellow called Ganesh
Suryanarayanan. To keep it simple we will call him ‘JERK’ (you will know why I have named him that). My
parents felt I was rejecting anyone and everyone; but honestly that was not the
case. It was just that over the years with experience, you sort of start assessing
the profiles etc. Since Jerk
was also from Bangalore and the portfolio created by him seemed ok, I
informed my parents that I would like to connect with him. Our contact numbers were exchanged,
and we connected over call. His mother’s sister spoke to my mom and informed
that they need to connect and horoscope match is secondary (quite a matured
talk for a typical brahmin lady)
Our first phone call went well
and hence Jerk and I decided to catch up over the weekend for a cup of coffee. So
finally, we caught up and had a good chat. For the first time I felt comfortable; though we did not have any common likes, hobbies etc but it was not those
conversations; where I start admiring the interior designs of a place or just
keep nodding my head with a fake smile. We decided to catch up a few more time
before we take a decision. So, after a few more catch ups and calls, we decided to
inform our respective family so that it can be taken forward. (Yup perks of
arranged marriage)
Jerk’s mother called my mom and asked when would I be available, since they were planning to visit Coimbatore and if I was there, they
would come over to discuss the future course of action. Jerk had an elder brother and sister in law
who would be travelling to USA in a few months and hence they wanted to
see me, before they leave. I became skeptical if this was
the right move and I could not check with any of my friends, since most of them
were love marriage category or happy single. On several of our calls, Jerk kept iterating on
how close knit his family was and they were a group (No family is
perfect. Especially people who brag about the perfect family gets me more doubtful).
I took a day off and left for my hometown.
A day before the official visit,
my mom got call; informing us a few more people would be visiting the next day.
We all got confused, since we were told it’s a quick visit by his brother and
sister in law and now, they were informing about additional family members. My parents got
worried, since accordingly food had to be cooked etc. And like all universal mom’s my mom got into preparing a menu during their visit (still
no clarity on the number of people) The next day, I was made to sit wearing
a saree and behaving like a typical Indian woman which every family wants. My mom prepared
breakfast which consisted of idly, sambar, coconut chutney, banana fritters and
carrot halwa. On the mentioned time, Jerk’s family enters. No kidding there were so many people that
we had to put additional chairs in the living room. Wondering how many of them?
9 people. (You read it right) There were 9 people from his side
to see me. I could see the elderly group scrutinizing me and assessing me. His
cousin and cousin’s wife were excited and were having an animated conversation. (Happy they were breaking the ice). His brother
and sister in law whom seemed to be the only sane ones and did not fit into the
family equation, helped me feel comfortable and I noticed Jerk’s mother and his
aunt (Mother’s sister) were not liking it and were giving us the looks (If only looks could kill). The daughter
in law was least bothered and ensuring am at ease.
It actually felt I was in those Hindi
series, where the eldest daughter is equivalent to god and battles all the evils in the joint family she lives in. Breakfast was served and the two lovely sisters who had an
air around them right away rejected saying they don’t want to eat. The usual me would
have just said cool and walked away, but since they were guests, I politely
asked them once again. The way they were looking at the food people would have presumed;
we were serving unhygienic food. I just wished I could pour hot water on their faces. The others ate properly and asked for second helpings. Jerk informs me he wants to
have a word with me and states that these are the important members of his
family and anything they do or any event they go, they do it as a group as they
are a close-knit family (yup sounded very fake) and apologized for not
informing me in advance on how many members would be turning up. I informed him; it would have been better if
we had received prior notice (Not sure if he expected me to shrug it off
saying its fine). My mother called for me and one of his aunts (late dad’s
sister) gave me the tambulam tattu (A plate that has fruits, Kumkum,
beetle leaf etc). As per the rituals, I fell on her feet to seek blessings; before collecting
the plate and she asked if cook, since her nephew is a foodie. I smiled and
informed that I cook since I have been cooking for some years now. She enquired
with mom if there was a possibility of keeping the wedding at the earliest as
her elder nephew would be leaving to US soon. As his aunt was talking to my mom,
I looked at his family that was seated in the living room as each one was snubbing the other with rude comments. They finally left and honestly, I was
not a least bit excited. I felt weird and could not explain it, but my parents were excited and started calling
their respective siblings to inform them on the alliance. My cousins were congratulating me, and I could hear the doubt in my own
voice. Once things settled down, I informed mom that I was not feeling right
about the entire thing and we were rushing towards it. My mom listened and
asked me to sleep over it and things will settle down.
Before the family left Jerk’s brother and sister
in law took my number and informed they would be sending across her brother's wedding invitation who was getting married in Bangalore and since we were going to
become one family, she would be expecting me to be there. To be honest I
found them to be the sane lot in the family. I left for Bangalore after a few
days.
My office colleagues were curious
on what happened. Though I was apprehensive I informed them the family were looking at suitable dates and marriage hall availability. They were surprised
that I wasn’t excited about it. I called mom and told her that something is amiss, and I can't point out what it is. I informed, I did not like the
attitude that his mother was carrying, and she did not give me positive vibes. During
this time, Jerk was
in touch with me for few days and suddenly he stopped messaging. I messaged him
and did not receive any response, which felt very weird. Like any other typical Indian mom, my mom informed that it was good if we weren't too much into each other since that would impact the relation in the
future. My family got busy in checking for hall availability etc. Once she received
the dates for the wedding, she called up Jerk’s mother to freeze the dates. That
is when Jerk’s mom informs
my mom that they would not be taking this forward, since her sister in law (Jerk's dad’s sister) was not keen about this proposal. My uncle called me to inform what transpired over the call and mom was crying with the way things had shaped up.
I was upset, though I was mentally prepared for something like this, I hoped Jerk had the decency to call me and inform me. I
decided I won’t react and cry in office; though I was an emotional wreck by
then. Around evening, I received a call from his sister in law. I was wondering
if Jerk decided to make his sister
in law call. I picked up the call and she informed she would be sharing the invite soon. I was dazed, as one side the
family calls off the wedding with a pretty lame excuse after eating free food
and on the other side am getting an invitation for a family wedding. I composed myself and informed her as their
side of the family called off the wedding, it would not make sense for me to catch
up. There was a long pause on her side; and she asked what I was talking? I was
appalled with the way things were going. I informed her what happened, and I
honestly felt she was rubbing it on me. She said she will call me back and hung
up. I was now really annoyed with Jerk and was checking my mobile to see if he was
man enough to call or message me. Around evening, his sister in law called me
again and informed that her husband (Jerks brother) was also on call.
She apologized on their behalf for all the stupidity they did and informed they
were unaware and did not want to be a part of the family circus. She informed
this was purely the mother son duo’s decision and no one else to blame. I was annoyed
but equally relieved that I wasn’t a part of such an insensitive family. She said we would catch up when in Bangalore and commented she was glad that I did not
get stuck in such a family since this was just a glimpse of how low they could stoop.
I called up mom and informed what
happened and she was amazed with the way things were moving and Jerk’s mom had remarked since in the girl (which is me) is fat and did not want to loose weight (which I had told him apparently) they
rejected me. I lost my cool and told my mom, I had not sent anyone else to meet
him or was he blind when he met me over the weekends. He drinks, eats nonveg
and hides stuff from his house and has the audacity to point a finger at me. I
decided to confront him once and for all, since Jerk did not have the
decency to message or call me. I finally messaged him with enough
sarcasm that would hurt anyone's ego. He read the message and did not even respond. I shared the same with my mom and she called immediately unable to
control her laughter. I was glad her mood was better and informed her; that I
will always go by intuition and gut feeling. Jerk’s family should be happy that I did not embarrass them any further and if it happened after all arrangements had been made, I
would have dragged them to the cops.
After two years, Jerk sends me an interest once again on the website. I was amazed and sent him another stinker message for which of course once again he did not respond. Can’t expect much from a spineless guy.
This entire incident has made me realize, that you should go with your intuition and should not come under pressure of society. Adjustment is fine but giving up on one’s dignity is not something to be entertained.
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