Match Making in the name of Social Service

             Another hilarious story of my groom hunt which happened in June. My work front was already crazy, since we had all our leadership team flying down from US who were ensuring; we lose our marbles before they leave India. 

Anyways, on one such day; when I was on my way to office, I receive a call from an unknown number. An optimistic me hoping this was a call for a job opportunity attend the call. A lady greets me in Tamil enquiring if I was Purnima. A bit disappointed that it wasn’t an interview call, responded and asked whom was I talking to. The next 20 minutes was the most hilarious and ambiguous conversation that I have ever had. 

A SOCIALLY RESPONSIBLE WOMAN

 SM: Hello, my name is Susheela. People call me Susheela mami and I reside in Chennai. 

PR: Ok Mami. 

SM: Are you looking for a suitable prospect? I mean you’re planning for marriage right. 

PR: Yes I am. 

SM: I spoke to your brother yesterday and shared details of the groom. Hope you have spoken to the boy.

PR: (Perplexed and clueless on what she is talking about and also ensuring I do not make it evident of a disconnect between the siblings, I decide to go with the flow. Guess my profession helps me to bullshit when required). Yes mami I spoke to my brother and he shared the details. I have informed that I would be talking to him over the weekend.  

SM: Certain things should not be postponed. When a good alliance comes you should make use of it before it’s too late. 

My inner voice goes; woman I am not planning to elope and have my wedding over the weekend after my first conversation. But then I calm down and with a smile I say:

PR: Correct Mami; but, I need to have time to have this sort of conversation. Also I will be free only on weekends and hence will talk then.  

SM: Correct dear, see I have also three daughters who are married and hence I know it is not easy. Hence am iterating on this. Else I would not be pestering you like this. Please don’t mistake me.  

PR: (Wow if things go well three sister-in-law's) I understand mami have you registered your son’s details anywhere so that I can view his profile?

SM: No dear, I don’t have a son. This prospect is for a family friend I know. Since all my daughters are married I am doing this as a part of my social service. It feels good if I am able to bring some happiness in other people's life. The boy is educated and is 6 feet tall. But he has not registered on any matrimonial sites.

PR: Hmm, ok. I understand mami but I would need to see few details since previously I had to reject guys due to them being at a lesser income or me being taller than the boy. Hence it would be great if some details can be shared.

SM: I understand. What is your present salary and height?

PR: (Not keen to share the details hence fibbing) My monthly income is above 1 Lakh and I am 5.9 and on the heavier side.

SM: Oh, is it? You earn that much! The boy is presently in UK on deputation earning 1 Lakh and is planning to settle down there and is a CA by qualification; hence should not be a problem. Rather than going through horoscope, photo etc. I would suggest connect on a video call and have a chat. If you feel your compatibility is good, then nothing else is there to stop you from taking this forward.

By now I have lost it but; am trying to keep my cool as much as possible. A long pause from my end contemplating on whether I should be sarcastic and rude or just maintain my calmness. I was also curious to know how this woman received my number.

SM: Hello are you there?

PR: Yes, Mami tell me am there.

SM: Please don’t get upset with your dad for sharing your mobile number. You should not be selfish and need to understand that he is also growing old and he is worried about you. You are also not young anymore right? Your old and at this age if you get a good suitor don’t let go off the opportunity.

PR: (I wanted to show my middle finger to her but I did not since my mom has taught me to be nice to people and hence refrained)Thank you Mami for your concern. I will connect and keep you posted.

                     I honestly wanted to throw my mobile phone. But hey that’s a gift from my brother for my last birthday and I love my phone so why ruin it for a total nut case who is a nuisance. Anyways I had a word with my brother, and he said he had very clearly informed that his sister would be connecting over the weekend, since she is busy on the weekdays. He was like guess it’s a good prospect and the guy is a qualified CA (Chartered Accountant) so should be good. Finally, my destination arrived, and I hung up on my brother. When I meant destination, I meant my office.

HEART TO HEART WITH THE ELIGIBLE SUITOR

                    So finally, over the weekend I decided to message the guy, before I get a reminder from the socially responsible Samaritan or before my dad starts crying iterating he is growing old; which has become a common scene. 

I message the guy whose name is Karthik (To ensure there is no confusion we will keep it as ‘K’) asking for a convenient time to connect. We finally connected on a Whats App video call. Technology has definitely made a lot of things useful. 

K: Hi, hello hope all well at your end? Finally we connect.

PR: Hey there. Sorry for the confusion. (Fake smile plastered on my face as I assess him. Unfortunately, my profession has made me assess people a lot) 

K: That is cool. I understand this is last minute. So Susheela Mami gave me your contact number so I honestly do not have any other information. It would be great if you could tell a bit more about yourself. Oh; by the way before we take it forward can you tell me your date of birth? 

PR: Wow that’s a first. I am a September born and my year of birth is 1982. 

K: Oh cool; am June 1981 born. Phew that is a sigh of relief! 

PR: Wow you actually don’t have any information about me? 

K: This mami just asked me to reach out and I did not have any details so wasn’t even aware of your age. But now it’s cool, since you are a year younger. 

PR: Hmm… ok.  How do you know this mami?

K: She knows my dad through some common friends etc.

PR: Ok. Well a bit about me, I have done my basic schooling in various parts of India before starting my career in Chennai and moved to Bangalore 6 years back. In my family I have a younger brother who also resides in Bangalore and then my dad who keeps travelling to Kerala, Erode and Bangalore.  I lost my mom around two years back and this is my background. What about you?

K: My dad is there who stays in Chennai and I came here on deputation to London in early 2017.

A long pause. Well I am amazed that he can keep it Short and Sweet.

PR: Oh so you are the only son?

K: I have an elder brother. (Silence…..) 

PR: Oh ok so where does he reside? 

K: In Chennai only (Silence….) 

PR: Married? 

K: Na, he is not keen on marriage. (Silence….) 

PR: So, what about your mom? 

K: She is no more. (Silence….) 

PR: Where do you stay in Chennai? 

K: Near Tambaram (Silence….) 

PR: So, you’re planning to settle to down in London? 

K: Not yet decided. Ideally my work permit is getting over in January 2020 so I would need to come back. I would prefer to work in Chennai. 

PR: Oh ok. So how has your trip been so far? I have heard UK is a beautiful place. Have you visited any places?

K: No things are way expensive. In the last three years I have just gone once outside for a movie. Otherwise I prefer to be at my stay and watch television. 

PR: Why is that? 

K: You see I can’t afford the cost of living. The place where I have been put up has necessary utensils to make rice and rasam etc. I prefer to come to office on Saturday since everything else is expensive.

PR: Hmm ok understandable. (Long nod by me after he finished talking) Any hobbies that you have? 

K: A major movie buff. Nothing else. I don’t have any other hobbies. 

Silence from my end. Clueless how to take this conversation forward.

K: So why did you not get married for so long? 

PR: (Hmm so long….. what am I 100 years old?) Oh nothing like that mom fell sick so marriage was not a priority. What about you? 

K: I had vision problem. I had power of -19 (No kidding) so a lot of people were rejecting me. A year back I consulted an ophthalmologist and they recommended for a laser, which usually does not happen for a person whose power exceeds -10. But it was a success and now I don’t need glasses.

PR: Oh wow that is crazy power. 

K: Yes it is. 

PR: So how tall are you? 

K: I have not measured myself. I guess I should be around 5.7. 

PR: What do you mean you have not measured yourself? Have you never gone for a physical checkup? 

K: No I don’t. How tall are you? I should be tall enough. 

PR: (Wanted to bang my head, but no I can’t immediately) Wow that’s a first. Haha….. Haha….

K: How tall are you? 

PR: I am 5.9. 

K: Oh is it? (He started looking at the wall not sure what sort of measurement was there) I should be tall. Never thought about all of this. 

PR: Hmm….. For me am very particular about height. 

K: I should be; Hmm let's see. Also Mami informed that your monthly salary is more than a Lakh in hand. Do they pay so much? 

PR: Meaning? 

K: No I presumed only IT guys get so much and others are always at a lower income. 

PR: No nothing like that. You’re a Chartered Accountant right; with your tenure you would be earning more. 

K: Oh; am not a Chartered Accountant. I have just completed by M.Com. 

PR: Oh ok mami informed me you are a CA. Where did you complete your Post Graduation? 

K: No no I have not done my CA. I completed my Graduation and Post-Graduation through correspondence. 

PR: (Nodding my head slowly, trying to register all that he said) so; what is your monthly income if I may ask? 

K: I earn INR 40,000 per month. 

PR: Oh ok. (Now totally lost interest in the discussion)

Alright then, I will keep you posted on how to take this forward. Thank you for your time.

I disconnected the video call and heaved a sigh of relief. I was annoyed with the entire incident. I wasn’t angry with the guy, but with the lady for giving wrong information and making me feel bad for being single. I called up my brother and informed on what happened. He was even more astonished that the guy was not a CA; since he was made to believe that. I just informed him, if that mami calls me again, she will repent of ever talking to me.

SOCIAL SERVICE BEGINS

SM: Hello dear; how did it go? I was expecting your call over the weekend. 

PR: (My inner voice telling me to hire a tanker lorry and run her over. No.... I am not a psycho, just my imagination running wild). Yes, mami we spoke on Sunday and sorry I could not call you.

SM: So, can we take it forward? Can I inform your dad? 

PR: Mami, first of all you informed me of him being  a CA, but he himself informed he has done his M.Com 

SM: Correct dear, but everything else is good. 

PR: (Inner voice saying stupid woman you informed my family he is CA and never did I tell you I am looking for someone who is a CA) Mami first of all I am very specific on the height and he is 5.7 whereas I am 5.9. 

SM: (Abruptly stops me) no; no; what are you saying? He is 6 foot dear. I know very well. 

PR: Mami he himself confirmed that he is 5.7. 

SM: (Abruptly stops me) no; no; what are you talking? He is 6 foot dear. I know very well 

PR: oh really! You are adamant he is 6 foot, whereas the boy does not remember when he checked his height last. Not sure when you measured him. 

SM: (Abruptly stops me) But everything else is good right. Height is only a problem. 

PR: (Totally lost my cool) Mami to start with

1.     Qualification issue. You informed something and he himself laughed that it’s not the case

2.     My criteria of height does not match, and you inform me it’s ok

3.     Income is at one fourth of what I am at. He is amazed that people earn so much

You are expecting me to adjust / ignore on everything. Not sure who is getting married here. 

SM: (Abruptly stops me) But I told your father he is at lesser salary and anyways he is in UK so it should be fine. 

PR: Mami he is planning to come back and no intention of settling there. Besides that, is not the point. 

SM: So how do I take it ahead with the boy? You need to adjust and can’t be rigid on your specifications. 

PR: (Inner voice says push her from the top of a hill). No mami this is compromise. If I need to give up everything just to get married why should I look at my community, language etc.? 

SM: So finally what are you trying to say? 

PR: (Wow was I talking to a deaf person?) No not keen to proceed. 

SM: OK. Thank you. (Phone disconnected) 

I was amazed with the Susheela mami’s attitude and how she was trying to show that she is doing the best for me. Considering she has daughters; I was surprised in the name of social service she was just pushing things on my neck. This is an unforgettable incident that has made me pen down the entire event.  

Another chapter in my search for a prospective suitor.